BitterSweet Memories
by Prettie Parker
Summary: A chance encounter becomes a life altering event
1. Chapter 1

Love Stoned

Tree Hill, a place in appearance no different from all the other no name towns Dean had briefly stayed in. But little did he know this town was where everything would change forever. He would loose Sam but gain Haley.

Dean still remembers the first time he saw her. It was Sammy's senior year in high school, and he refused to focus on anything other than his studies. His rebellion to hunting was reaching its peak in intensity, the canyon between Sam and his father growing ever deeper.

After helping dad out with a nasty poltergeist a few towns over, Dean had returned to the motel to check on Sammy.

Strolling through the door, Dean was shocked into a stand still when he realized Sam wasn't alone, and with a girl no less. Sam knew better than to invite friends back to the motel, let alone a girl.

Sprawled leisurely across the giant king size bed, to Dean's relief fully clothed, books scattered all around them, taking notes feverishly.

Dean was just about to start a rant about Sam's guest, when her gaze lifted from her book and found him. Piercing chocolate orbs that cut him like a knife, framed by honey colored locks, Dean's protest died on his lips. She was stunning, and not in that all done up, porcelain doll way, but stunning like when a quiet lake catches the reflection of snow topped mountains in its waters. She was natural and breath-taking.

After she left, Dean teased Sam relentlessly about his 'little girlfriend,' while Sam vehemently denied his brothers accusations every step of the way.

Dean continued on like a good big brother would, never letting up, all the while her image still swirled in his mind like a sickness he couldn't shake. Something quiet about that girl made her sparkle and unforgettable.

Growing frustrated, Sam's shoulders tensed, his eyebrows knitted, as his lips pursed together. Slamming his book shut, Sam turned to Dean abruptly, and finally admitted why she was only a friend. "She's married ok," he blurted out, frustration thick on his breath.

For the second time that night, Dean found himself speechless. That pretty little thing that had a look of innocence in her eyes, and unused kisses on her lips; Dean couldn't believe she was married. Married in high school, the thought blew Dean's mind. Then again, the thought of marriage at all blew Dean's mind.

Thinking about her, Dean couldn't deny she was special. How when she gazed upon him there was something indescribable sucking him in, pulling him to her. Scratching the subtle on his chin, Dean found himself silently admitting he could understand why a man might want to keep her all to himself.

Despite her status, and the fact that she was practically jailbait, Dean couldn't shake her from his mind, she lingered through the night.

_Those flashing lights come from everywhere  
The way they hit her I just stop and stare  
I'm love stoned from everywhere and she knows  
I think that she knows_

"_Love Stoned," Justin Timberlake_


	2. Chapter 2

**Colorblind**

_I am taffy stuck and tongue tied  
Stuttered shook and uptight  
Pull me out from inside  
I am ready, I am ready_

_I am ready, I'm fine_

It was the spring of Haley's senior year of high school. She tried to prepare for graduation and college with the weight of her separation from Nathan on her shoulders, that every day looked more like an imminent divorce.

She had failed on her marriage; Haley wouldn't fail on school, give up her dreams. That's how Sam stumbled into her life. They met at the tutoring center, and he was just as determined to graduate, and attend a good college as she was. With his puppy dog eyes, smile that lit up a room, and deep intellect, they became fast friends.

They spent countless hours studying, and applying to colleges. Haley enjoyed Sam's soft nature, the caring look in his eye, and the way she felt at ease with him, but she always knew he was hiding things. Haley accepted that, understanding a need for privacy, but then Dean returned.

Charging into her life like a ball of fury, as he walked through the motel door. Glancing up from her book, Haley was shocked by how handsome Sam's older brother was. He was like looking up at the galaxy of stars late into the night, heavenly and powerful.

Haley was captivated by the stunning structure of his face, and depth to his eyes.

Her knees felt weak as their eyes met the weight of his stare sending chills under her skin. This was bad news, the last thing Haley needed at this point in her life.

She was still legally married, she should be mourning the loss of her and Nathan's relationship, not feeling an instantly attraction to Sam's brother.

And yet, Haley could barely look away. Suddenly something that started out simple got a whole mess of complicated.

Haley would never forget it, the night that changed everything. Dean had become a permanent fixture whenever she went over to Sam's. Haley kept herself under control around him, only sneaking glances when he wasn't looking, avoiding anything more than small talk, but he plagued her thoughts when alone. Haley fought her feelings, this uninvited guest, but then the night of the rain storm came.

Dean insisted on driving her home, refusing no as an answer, what with the frigid rain storm outside. Reluctantly, Haley agreed.

By sheer chance or fate, Sam stayed behind to study. The whole ride there was filled with comfortable but not cozy silence, as they listened to Dean's collection of classic rock.

It wasn't until the mouth watering '67 Impala pulled to the curb, and stopped that the air grew thick. Music filled the car, as she nervously stared out the passenger window, rain pelted against the glass blurring her view.

Taking a deep breath, Haley put on a smile, genuine but restrained, and turned to Dean. "Thanks for the ride." She thanked him politely. That was going to be the end of it, she had told herself, but then their eyes met, and the plan fell apart.

Dean's intense green eyes caught her, and held her captive, as her heart began to pound in her chest. Haley tried to will herself to look away, but she felt paralyzed to move, when the cure for her deep seeded sadness, and loneliness hung in his gaze.

The moments felt suspended in the chilled classic car, while Dean gazed at Haley, as if offering the magical secret to make it all go away, and he wanted to share it with her.

Maybe it was the rain pouring outside, or the darkness all around. Or just maybe it was the hollow loneliness building in her heart, but before Haley knew what was happening they were kissing.

Haley's heart raced out of control, as Dean's moist lips convinced her, this is what she wanted. His hands pulled her close, bad timing or not there was no going back.

"I'm married." Haley blurted out like a fool in between kisses, the lack of conviction in her words sounding pathetic even to her.

Dean's intoxicating smile shot wide on his face, amused by her, his green eyes calling.

"I don't care." He quieted her, silencing her with another kiss.

The sound of rain hitting the back window filled her ears, as Haley lowered down onto the backseat. She watched as Dean's haunting eyes barreled down on her from above, butterflies of doubt fluttered inside her gut.

Haley didn't know if she could do this, go through with it, but when Dean's moist lips found her delicate skin, all the voices of doubt in her were silenced.

Giving herself over to him, Dean filled the emptiness. Making Haley feel things she had only dreamt of in her quietest of thoughts. Doing things with her she had only imagined in her most private of dreams.

_I am covered in skin_

_No one gets to come in_

_Pull me out from inside_

_I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding_

_I am colorblind_

"_Colorblind," Counting crows_


	3. Chapter 3

I Know You're Gone

_I know you're gone, __I know you're leaving me  
Behind your dreams, Behind your prayers  
_

Haley would never forget the day she lost Sam. While she had only known him half a year their bond resonated with her, and his absence left a lingering ache in her heart.

The summer after Haley graduated from high school she had a secret. Not a small 'of course this my real hair color' secret, but a big life altering secret. One that risked loosing the people Haley loved most if revealed.

Haley and Dean had been secretly seeing each other behind everyone's back since the night of the rain storm. Haley knew what people would think of her if they knew, what with the ink not even on the divorce papers yet. Even back then, deep in her heart, Haley knew it would cost her Sam.

She couldn't let Dean go. Dean made her feel alive, gave the taste of freedom. He put her broken pieces back together, brought the old spunky Haley back to life. When Dean touched her, she felt on fire. He could make all her senses buzz with one succulent kiss, but it wasn't just that. When she looked into his piercing green eyes she felt something. Her heart beat faster, her breath evened out; it was as if he could reach inside, and touch her soul.

Being around Dean made Haley feel high, like soaring amongst the clouds, she was falling for him. Hard and fast, Haley wouldn't quit.

There was nothing about the day Haley lost Sam that gave her warning. No flashing lights, no neon signs, no inner turmoil.

She had worked a shifted at Karen's Café, and when she got off was going to spend the day with Lucas, when Dean called. He told her Sam went to the library.

Dean didn't need to say anything else; the message came in loud and clear.

Making some lame excuse to Lucas about why they suddenly couldn't hang out again, Haley dashed over to the motel. Excitement rushing through her veins, the way thrill always over took her when Haley knew she was about to see Dean.

Sam had gotten into Stanford… Stanford! He could hardly believe it. When the acceptance package came in the mail it took him an hour of just staring at it to believe it was true.

Sam didn't tell anyone. He knew excitement and rejoice weren't going to be the emotions shared from his family. Sam loved his father and Dean, but he'd be betraying himself if he gave up on his dreams. So he waited for the right moment, as the summer dragged on.

Spending his time between reading every book he could get his hands on that would be reading material for his future classes, and hanging out with Haley.

She had become his sidekick, partner, and it was nice to have someone other than Dean for a change.

Sam was painfully aware Haley was gorgeous, and that her charming wit could steal a room, but he respected she was in the middle of an ugly divorce, and never made a move.

Sam was the kind of guy who could be happy just enjoying her company. He wasn't all 'down stairs brain' like his brother.

Sam could be satisfied with a twinkle of her eye. Telling himself her smile was as good as a kiss.

Sam would never forget the day he learned how wrong he had been. His naive notions proven wrong, only to leave him alone in the end.

After spending most of the day at the library, Sam returned to the motel with another stack of books.

Upon entering the room he witnessed a sight that disabled his limbs, and sent that pile of books in his arms crashing to ground.

Dean reclined in the cheap wooden chair that accompanied the motel table, but that wasn't the shocking part.

_I hear your sigh, I hear your heartbeat _

_Pound me on my back, I'm on my own now._

_What do I see, What do I feel, What do I love_

It was the sight of Haley, his best friend tangled in a lovers pose upon his brother's lap that stalled Sam's feet.

It was witnessing his brother's hands roaming her figure, like an explorer of a new world, that made Sam's eyes bulge.

It was seeing their mouths locked in heated embrace that sent the books crashing to the floor with a thud.

The only saving grace was they were still completely clothed. Small consolation prize, since it was clear this wasn't their first time.

The pair broke apart with the alarm bell that signaled they had been caught. Both jumped to the feet with startled guilty faces.

Betrayal was the first thing to sting Sam's heart, as his mind tried to process the moment.

His big brother's gaze caught Sam first, as he watched remorse fill piercing green eyes. "Sammy…," Dean started

Then the anger hit, red hot flames raced through his veins, as Sam could already hear the excuse his brother would give. "My friend?!" Sam hollered in shock at Dean before he could speak, lashing out.

The brother's eyes locked with their life long connection, as Sam made it clear, in no uncertain terms, he felt double-crossed. "I make one friend, Dean… One!"

Hearing himself admit how lonely his life had been. Always hidden away, always having to move, Sam was never really given the chance to make connections, but he had made one with Haley.

Then the lonely sadness, he felt inside began to bubble up, reminding him his family would always make sure he'd be alone.

"…And you had to screw her?!" Disgust spit form his lips, even though the truth was undeniable, a hint of question still surfaced in the end of Sam's words. Tears flickered along the edge of Sam's eyes, as his gaze stayed linked with his big brothers, letting him know how badly he had cut him.

In his mind Sam could still see the way Haley reached out, gently touching his arm, as she called his name with a begging voice. "Sam."

"No," He shook her off. Shaking his head vehemently, Sam started to push them away.

Pushing his tears back down, Sam locked honest eyes with Haley. "How long have you been using me?"

He let out a huff, "I actually thought you wanted to be my friend." The hurt was raw for Haley to see in his dewy sensitive eyes.

Interlocked with Haley's stunning chocolate orbs that were filling with tears, Sam shook his head, disappointed in the way he didn't see her the same anymore. Sam didn't feel like he could trust her, she made him feel expendable and used.

Without another word Sam turned, and went for the door, with an overwhelming urge to get as far away from them as he could.

Just as he reached for the knob, Dean's bellowing voice called his name.

Turning to face his brother, Sam was quick with the come back, before Dean had a chance to say something he didn't want to hear.

"What Dean?! It just happened? No big deal, it was just some fun? She's too hot not to bang? What lame excuse are you going to give for lying to me?" Sam's eyes pierced Dean's with his gaze.

He watched guilty torment splinter his big brothers iris, and Sam knew his words had broken through Dean's thick outer shell.

Sam's heart pained knowing he hurt his brother, seeing the anguish in Dean's eyes. Unable to take the intensity of this moment a second longer Sam took the last word, turning it back on himself.

Silently shaking his head Sam held Dean's gaze, it was all so clear, Sam wasn't sure why he hadn't thought of it before. "No, you know forget it… because I should have known this is what you'd do if I brought a girl around..."

His wounded eyes drifted absently off at the empty space between Haley and Dean, as Sam spoke the last words for himself. "…I should have known."

Sam disappeared before anyone could regroup. Their secret world shattered on the floor around them, while the biggest price just walked out the door.

Sam and Haley briefly spoke again, but it was clear the friendship was fractured, broken beyond repair. Sam slipped right through Haley's hands, lost to the pages of time, under the chapter 'most painful regrets'.

One week later, Sam had the blow up fight to end all fights with his father. When he revealed the secret about college, Dean had to watch powerless, as his father gave Sam an ultimatum, a choice… school or this family.

Sam's mind was made up before the fight ever started. The next morning he was gone.

_I know you're gone, I know you're leaving me_

_Behind your dreams, Behind your prayers  
What do you think, What do you want  
What do you love?_

_Jessica Riddle, "Gone"_

**Author Note:** In case you're wondering...  
Sam really did care for Haley as a friend but he did also have some secret feelings of deeper affection for her too.  
Haley didn't know how Sam felt about her and if she had she would never have gotten with Dean. I'm not saying she would have been with Sam, but she would have respected his feelings enough to not be with his brother. She did really love him as a friend.

Haley kept the secret because was afraid to tell people about her and Dean, afraid of what they would think.  
Dean was just trying to have fun with a chick but got in way over his head with Haley, because she ended up meaning more than he planned. He had no idea it would hurt Sam the way it did or Dean would have never started anything with Haley. Dean didn't realize Sammy had a crush.  
Hope that clears any question about Sam possibly over-reacting and/or Dean and Haley being dicks...


	4. Chapter 4

**In Your Arms**

_I find the map and draw a straight line  
Over rivers, farms, and state lines  
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be, It's only finger-lengths that I see  
I touch the place where I'd find your face  
My finger in creases of distant dark places_

The summer Sam left Dean felt lost inside. He couldn't remember a time he didn't have Sammy to care for. Suddenly he was a herder with no flock; the lack of path left him wandering blind.

Dean and his dad had stayed in Tree Hill for three days incase Sam returned. When John decided he had given sufficient time and no word was received. John's pride wounded, they packed up and left like a ghost in the night.

From there on out, Dean tried to convince himself Haley was just 'one of those experiences' that would go down in his wall of fame and nothing more. He spent every waking moment hunting anything he could find, trying to distract his mind but no matter how many miles he put in between him and Haley. No matter how many shots of whiskey he took to forget her name, Dean couldn't wash Haley from him.

She plagued his mind like an incurable disease and no matter how hard he tried to deny it she had wedged her way into his heart and without her, that place was hollow.

Dean would never forget the moment he realized who Haley was to him.

Barreling down a desolate highway at two in the morning, pine trees lining the dark country road, Dean was finally forced to face the truth… He was crazy about Haley. Blinded, dumbstruck, lost without her, kind of crazy, and she wasn't going away.

While Dean didn't believe in such emotions he found himself no longer able to deny their existence in his heart.

When he finally surrendered to the things he was feeling, Dean found himself turning that shining black Impala in a sharp U-turn and heading full force back to Tree Hill as fast as he could get there.

Haley lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling deep in thought. She had slept in that bed more times than she could remember. Many happy memories made there, but tonight that bed only served as a reminder of how alone she was.

Her tiny body swallowed in the cold sheets as her gaze drifted to the empty pillow. Running her fingers along the plump fabric, it had been nine months; still Haley's heart ached for who was missing. Her eyes closed as she winced inside.

She had paid the ultimate price for loving Dean Winchester, the respect of her friends and family. Some of them never forgave her, they just didn't understand. The marriage was over long before Dean came around, and he wasn't a fling. He was her solace, her refuge. He was the only person who accepted her whole, flaws and all.

Lying alone in that bed, the emptiness mocking her with every quiet breath, Haley refused to regret him… even if he did leave her with only a voicemail, like a forgotten thought.

His memory carried her through when everything else of him disappeared. Knowing that even though he never said it, she knew he loved her. She could see it in his eyes every time their gaze met.

Hugging his tee-shirt close as it draped over her body, Haley held onto every moment they made. The moments that made her life most worth remembering even if now all they were was reminders of what she lost.

The rain poured outside, pounding on the roof, the wind howling at her window. Haley never could hear earth's cries without thinking of Dean, the moment they found each other.

Then suddenly as if heaven sent, an uninvited knock echoed though her apartment.

Dragging herself from her lonely, cold bed, Haley went for the door.

Wrapping her palm around the cool metal knob, Haley slowly opened the door to destiny.

There Dean stood on her doorstep, drenched from the rain like a sailor who had been lost at sea and yet he was finally home.

Their eyes met instantly and for the first time since he left Haley's heart shot to life with the overwhelming surge of love that organ held for him.

Something in Dean's piercing green eyes told her he wasn't sure she'd still want him, a quiet insecurity in his iris.

Calming his fears and her need to make sure he was real, not a dream; Haley yanked Dean inside by his soaked trademark leather jacket. Showing him he'd never be unwelcome at her door.

_After I have traveled so far  
We'd set the fire to the third bar  
We'd share each other like an island, Until exhausted, close our eyelids  
And dreaming, pick up from The last place we left off  
Your soft skin is weeping A joy you can't keep in_

Their lips united to cure an unspoken need. With the undeniable passion pumping through their hearts as they came together in a moment of rejoice.

Like a well orchestrated dance, Haley felt Dean lift her near as her legs wrapped around him to kill the distance between them.

She was moving through time and space as he carried her down the hall to her room.

In that moment as Dean led Haley away to show her just how much he had missed her every day since they parted.

Haley realized something. She didn't just love Dean. She was irrevocably, unconditionally, madly in love with him. She'd follow him to end of the earth if he asked.

The next morning Haley awoke in the most blissful of states. The warm, smooth skin of Dean's toned chest pillowed her cheek. The rapid beat of his heart under her ear, served as her morning bird.

She had to fight being lulled back to sleep by the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest beneath her.

Locked in his embrace, skin on skin, Haley's heart had never felt so full, like a dam about to burst if one more rain drop hit its waters.

They spent the day lost in their own world of comfy sheets and plump pillows.

Taking her by surprise Dean was the first to admit he had missed her, more than he knew he could.

Staring into his piercing green eyes, her palm gently cupping his bristly cheek, Haley found herself finally admitting she loved him aloud. Their eyes held as a moment passed, before her heart almost burst from her chest when Dean returned the sentiment.

They spent hours talking quietly and making love, reconnecting their bond that ran like a deep well, making up for lost time.

A freeing peace enveloped Dean like a warm blanket and it wasn't just Haley's silky soft skin.

He had been wrong about so many things, but nothing more than her or Sam.

Looking into Haley's chocolate orbs that reached into his soul as she gazed upon him, Dean promised he'd never make that mistake again. He couldn't bear loosing them both.

As the day dwindled and the sun fell, Dean finally found the courage to admit to Haley he couldn't stay… not forever. He had a job, an important one.

One Dean couldn't quit, and it took him on the road more often than not.

Proving Haley was the one, as if there was ever a doubt after driving all night just to reach her. Haley said the two most powerful words Dean had ever heard. Words that resonated and stood as testament to the devotion Dean saw in Haley's eyes for him.

"I'll wait." She promised without hesitation, the certainty heard in her words shining to match in her eyes.

Unable to suppress the overwhelming urge to kiss her, Dean pulled her near, claiming what was rightfully his.

As their lips met in tender, heated embrace, his arms holding her as close as she could get, Dean swore he'd always return.

___I'm miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground  
And I, I pray that something picks me up  
and sets me down in your warm arms_

_Snow Patrol, "Set Fire To The Third Bar"_


	5. Chapter 5

The Way She's Loves Me

_If you could only see the way she loves meThen maybe you would understandWhy I feel this way about our loveAnd what I must do_

The day Dean told Haley, John had gone missing was the day that set destiny's wheels in motion.

Haley stood by Dean's side like a heaven reaching mountain for him to lean on. Dean never showed his fear, but Haley knew him well enough to recognize the unspoken trepidation looming in his eyes.

That year Haley held new poignant significance in Dean's life, a bond that would cement them together for always.

She was the one who convinced him to go to Sam, ask him to help. Even with the unfazed look in his eyes when she suggested it, Haley could see part of Dean was still afraid to face his brother, after the way it ended.

She took the journey to Stanford with him, riding as his steady co-pilot and inner strength. She knew it was a risk, coming face to face with Sam by Dean's side, but she'd take that risk to stand by her man.

Cloaked in darkness, quiet all around, Dean was hypnotized by Haley's image as she leaned against the car, beside him. As if the moment moved in slow motion, Haley had a glow to her then. Dean watched transfixed as she turned to look at him with her captivating chocolates orbs, still in awe over the way she looked so different to him then. Like a snap shot, Dean took a perfect picture in his mind of his beloved Haley and how on that quiet night, her beauty in the moon light over took him. An image he'd never forget.

Pulling Haley to him before they went in to see Sam, Dean softly stroked her cheek lovingly with his knuckles as he gazed upon her face.

"Should we tell him?" He questioned quietly into the night's crisp air as excitement raced through his veins.

Gentle chocolate orbs intertwined with steady green ones as Dean watched a radiant joyous smile eclipsed Haley's face. Her head shook lightly; her silky golden locks tickled his arms in the movement, mesmerizing Dean.

Haley answered back just as quiet, keeping the secret under wraps. "He's your brother. You should tell him when the times right."

Her glowing light contagious, a warm smile brought Dean's face to life as he nodded in agreement before pulling her in for a savoring kiss.

They found Sam's place late in the night but Dean insisted on sneaking in, which he explained to Haley was totally different then breaking in because Sam was his brother. Haley mockingly laughed with a roll to her eyes but followed his lead.

As if Haley had foreseen the future, their uninvited appearance in Sam's apartment went exactly as Haley imagined. Sam was on the defensive assuming they were an intruder or worse.

He and his brother sparred in the living room, knocking over furniture until Sam was pinned to the floor and realized the face hanging above him was his brothers.

"Hey Sammy." Dean smiled down.

Finding their feet, the lack of amusement was evident in Sam's voice as he vocalized the obvious question.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" Sam's sleepy brown eyes probed, startled to see the brother he hadn't seen in over two years standing in his living room.

Haley's quiet voice broke from the darkness before Dean could answer, a slight hesitance in her tone, "Hey Sam."

Whipping his head to the voice, Sam stared at her blankly, numb for a moment. Haley was the last face he expected to see.

Sam couldn't believe Dean would bring her here but it hit him like a ton of bricks dropped from a high rise building. The fact that Dean did bring her, spoke volumes on her significance to him; Haley hadn't been just a fleeting moment. She wasn't just a leaf in the wind Dean happened to catch before she flew on her way. Haley had stayed even after Sam left.

As if a broken record were playing, Sam heard his name called for the third time in less than two minutes and his head went whipping around yet again.

Coming face to face with his long time girlfriend, the blonde bombshell Jessica, Sam went to her side, wrapping a loving around her as he introduced their late night visitors.

Sam prodded Dean to get to the point for his drop in and when Dean did, Sam only heard two words, Hunting Trip.

Turning to Jessica, Sam forced a reassuring smile and said he had to speak with his brother alone.

Shadows filled every corner in sight, the over head street light served as their only illumination as the brothers stood over the trunk of the show-stopping classic '67 Impala. Recorder in hand, Dean played the last message he had gotten from dad for Sam. Hoping like a fish, he'd bite.

Coming up from behind, Sam watched as Haley wrapped a gentle arm around Dean's waist as she nestled in against his shoulder to join their conversation.

Sam's eyes bulged as Dean stayed relaxed, not trying to stop the recording or close the trunk to hide its contents. He didn't even attempt to hide any of the evidence of hunting from her sight.

Sam's wide eyes shot to Haley with the realization. "He told you?" The disbelief was thick on his breath. Hardly able to believe his brother had told Haley their big secret, the one that had a number one rule of 'don't tell anyone.'

Sam had kept their secret, even from Jessica, a woman he had every intention of making his wife, but it was clear his brother hadn't done the same. It was also becoming more crystal clear by the second; Haley wasn't just another girl to Dean.

Sam watched as Haley's deep chocolate orbs caught his gaze, her arms falling loose from Dean's form as she took a step to his side.

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear in an agitated fashion, Sam heard an audible heavy sigh leave her before she answered. "Yeah, he told me."

She didn't have to say anything more; Sam could see in her eyes the lingering fury, it must have been one hell of a fight.

Shoulders growing visibly tense, Dean switched the focus as if the question had never been asked. "So you coming or not?" His voice rough, arms folded against his chest, getting to the point.

Hesitating, Sam felt torn. He had given up that life, hunting wasn't what he wanted, but he couldn't abandon his father in his time of need either.

Mulling the idea over in his head for a moment, Sam conceded with a heavy breath and slow nod. He couldn't give up on his father, even if he had given up on Sam. John would always hold a sacred place in Sam's heart, no matter how much they disagreed.

Once Sam had given in to come along, Dean took him by surprise, asking for a favor.

He asked if Haley could stay here with Jessica, mumbling he didn't want her alone in some motel.

Sam knew how hard it was for Dean to ask for anything, and the quiet importance that filled Dean's gaze as he stared at Haley wasn't lost on Sam either. He couldn't turn Dean down, not when it was clear it meant so much to his brother.

Nodding, Sam tucked away the knowledge; he had never seen his brother look at anyone the way he just caught him staring at Haley.

Racing back up the stairs to pack, Haley's voice caught Sam as he grabbed for the knob to his front door.

He turned to face her, finding her waiting alone behind him. Nervousness hung in her chocolate orbs as they met, but before Sam could speak to ease her fears, Haley blurted out the apology she had been dying to say to him. "I never meant to hurt you." Haley confessed, with heartfelt eyes and a genuine breath.

Sam's million dollar smile shot off on his face for her like a shooting star, as he spoke words that said he felt the same.

"I know, I never wanted to hurt you either." Sam admitted, seeing Haley and Dean together now, he saw how wrong he had been about them.

Watching what Sam felt were happy tears fill Haley's eyes, he opened his strong arms to her.

Without a second's hesitation, Haley went to him. Their arms embraced around each other with forgiveness. Their bond once lost to childish mistakes, resurfaced again in the contact.

Returning to the apartment in a hurry, Sam lied to Jessica about where he was going and why Haley had to stay there. He ran around in a whirlwind, packing and avoiding her questions.

Sam couldn't face Jess, the worry in her eyes, the questions that deserved answers.

He didn't want to tell her. He hated lying to the woman he loved, but Sam also felt certain she wouldn't understand the truth and was safer in the dark.

As quickly as they arrived, the men were off. Racing into the night to look for their missing father, and anything supernatural that might have him, the dynamic duo reunited. A quiet hope their estranged bond may swell once again.

_They've got all the right friends in all the wrong placesSo yeah, we're going downWe've got all the right moves and all the wrong facesSo yeah, we're going down_

_Tonic, "If You Could Only See"_

_One Republic, "All The Right Moves"_


	6. Chapter 6

Here By My Side

_Pray God you can cope. I stand outside this woman's work, This woman's world. Ooh, it's hard on the man, Now his part is over. Now starts the craft of the father_

No one would ever forget the night fate came calling, turning strong men into hollow soldiers thirsty for blood.

Blazing down the highway road, Jericho in their dust, Stanford in the distance, the brothers were still flying high from sending that 'Lady in White' back to hell… or wherever it is they go. All they obtained was a lead on their dad but it was the fact they had accomplished something together that made it count.

The headlights shined like torches to guide the way through the tall dry grass that lined the road, like a metaphor for the journey ahead.

An ominous chill filled the car if only they would listen as Dean's familiar classic rock tunes hummed from the speakers.

Reunited together, in the car they had spent most of their childhood growing up in, the brothers resurfaced their bond in comfortable silence and hunting success. Little did they know, this car ride was only the beginning.

Gazing out the passenger window at the shadow covered fields all around, images only fleeting in his sight, Sam was lost in thought. He had been waiting for just the right moment all weekend; since timing was everything when it came to trying to have a heart-to-heart with Dean.

Feeling like this trip had brought them one step closer to reconnecting; Sam finally felt the moment was right.

Holding his gaze to the swirling blurs outside his window, Sam spoke up, out of the blue. "I'm sorry, Dean." Apologizing, his puppy dog eyes fell to his hands for a moment as Sam admitted he had been wrong. Confession good for the soul but hearing your wrongs admitted, never as easy.

Glancing at his baby brother out of the corner of his eye, Dean's eyebrow arched with curiosity as to where this was coming from. Even though when it came to Sam, chick-flick moments never seemed to be in short supply. "About what?" Dean dared to ask.

Finally turning to look at his brother, Sam said her name steady and clear. "Haley."

Letting out a quick huff from his nostrils, Dean nodded with acknowledgement but didn't say a word.

"I was wrong about you two. I didn't see it back then…" Glancing back out the windshield at the sleeping world, it saddened Sam to think about how much time he lost with this brother being stubborn and wrong.

Sensing Sammy getting all emotional and deep, Dean had half a mind to stay quiet.

Hope he shut up but not knowing the next time he would have a moment alone like this with his baby brother, Dean gave in. "See what?" He took the bait.

Sam turned to Dean, their eyes connected briefly before Dean returned his to road.

"That she's the one for you." No doubt on Sam's steady breath.

Dean glanced back at his brother and saw only certainty hung in whiskey eyes. Like a messenger spreading the good word, in a way Sammy did with sensitive grace so well.

Dean let out a heavy breath and threw his eyes back on the road.

"Ahh, don't start that sappy shit with me. We got six more hours to go and I'm not going to be able to take it if you go all girly on me." Dean mocked, his darting eyes the only place that revealed Sam's blessing, when it came to Haley really did mean the world to him.

A light hearted smile engulfed Sam's face to his brothers chastising words, Dean's deflective humor, familiar and caring in an odd family kind of way.

Gazing back out at the passenger window, Sam felt a weight lift from his chest for the first time since he and Dean blew up at each other all those years ago.

Watching his baby brother out of the corner of his eye, deep inside Dean had to admit he missed that big grinning, goof terribly. Having him near gave Dean a sense of security nothing but Sam could bring.

Clearing his throat to announce himself, Dean too finally felt like the moment was right. Nonchalantly calling his brothers name, Dean waited until Sam turned to him to share a truth with a truth.

"Haley's pregnant." His gaze holding the safety of the road, Dean spoke casually, as if the thought didn't thrill his heart, as if his words weren't life altering.

Sam's sensitive brown eyes widened ten-fold, his pupil dilated as they landed on Dean. "No way," Slipped from his lips, slack jawed.

Spotting Sammy's ridiculously shocked face, Dean found himself grinning amused. "Yeah, we just found out." He confirmed with a subtle nod.

Looking away Sam shook his head in shock. "Wow," he smiled, like a kid at the candy store as his mind began to wrap around the idea.

Abruptly turning back to his brother, Sam gave his shoulder a hearty pat. "Congratulations man. You're going to be a dad." The excitement was undeniable in Sam's whiskey brown eyes.

Dean smiled back and nodded before Sam asked the question only a brother would. "How do you feel about that? Being a family man and all?" No implication was in his tone as the unspoken words were left out. Sam knew Dean better than anyone, it was no secret Dean had always said he'd never settled down.

Eyes hooked on the road, Dean shrugged his shoulders, "Never thought that'd be my life." He confessed, his words no surprise and yet hauntingly prophetic. If only Dean knew.

Haley's stunning image filled his mind, knowing their baby was nestled safe inside her, the woman he loved most. Dean felt this profound kind of happiness he thought he'd never experience. The kind that surged through his veins and fluttered in his gut. The kind that made him so thankful he had them. Dean should have known then it was too good to be true.

A smirk filled Dean's face, deep and genuine, bright as a solar flare. His piercing green eyes sparkled like a fallen star as he watched the road.

"Guess I'm leaving behind something other than a car one day." He laughed, holding onto the safety of his trademark humor in emotionally vulnerable moments, even though inside he was doing a victory lap

Sam didn't need Dean to wear his heart on his sleeve like he could. The look on his brother's face said it all; Sam had never seen Dean look so happy.

Nodding in agreement, Sam eyes drifted back out the window again; the weight of Dean's words slowly sinking in.

A smile he couldn't keep under wraps took over his gentle face. "I'm gonna be an uncle." Sam chuckled to himself, amazed by how excited he felt by the prospect.

_Oh, darling, make it go, Make it go away. Give me these moments back. Give them back to me. Give me that little kiss. Give me your hand._

Haley and Jessica had a connection instantly. Being similarly kind natured and easy going they understood each other.

They spent the weekend doing girl things their boyfriends wouldn't enjoy while getting to know each other better.

Haley foresaw by the end of this weekend she would call Jessica a friend and not because she's Sam's significant other but Haley never divulged Sam's secrets.

Her new friend delicately tried to draw information from Haley about where the brothers where going and what was really going on. Since Jess didn't believe Sam's hunting story for a second but Haley wouldn't budge. As far as Haley was concerned those were Sam's secrets to reveal. That was his battle to fight.

As the weekend came to an end the girls grew excited with the impending return of their road warriors. Energetic anticipation spread amongst each other, they stayed up late into the night, trying to wait up until their return.

Passing the time, Haley and Jessica watched deep sentimental movies and shared old high school stories. Feeling extra generous they even baked cookies, setting the plated treats on the table with a tender note.

The hours ticked by and still no arrival, their endurance began to grow thin. Jessica decided on a shower, while Haley lounged on the sofa, trying not to fall asleep to basic cable.

Snuggling deep into the worn cushions that smelled faintly like Sam, Haley smiled at the thought that by the time the sun rose on the horizon, she'd be back in Dean's safe arms again. Simple, deep driven joy rushed through Haley's heart with the thought.

Moving her hand down, Haley placed her palm gently on her flat belly. A wider smile shot off on her face like a firecracker, knowing that even if she couldn't see Dean a piece of him was already with her, always.

Haley lightly rubbed her belly, talking softly to her precious baby. "Daddy will be home soon."

_I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking_

Then suddenly the heavenly moment was tarnished as all the lights in the apartment flickered repeatedly. Then complete darkness, every light disappeared like a blackout. Haley's heart skipped a beat with the sudden shift as she eyes drifted in the darkness trying to adjust.

Sitting up the on the couch to go find Jessica, all the lights and television shot back on as quickly as they had gone out. As if the freak occurrence had never happened at all.

Heart speeding up, Haley couldn't explain it but for reasons she couldn't pin-point her skin began to crawl.

Shivers rippled through her body, as Haley became aware the room was suddenly bone rattling cold.

Rubbing her arms to create heat, Haley looked around the room. She couldn't spot the source of the draft, but something else caught her eye… her breath.

The room wasn't just cold now, it was freezing and every rapid breath that slipped from Haley's lips left a visible trail.

Before Haley could dwell on that terrifying development all hell broke loose. A crashing, wall splintering thud shook the apartment.

The noise took Haley by surprise as she jumped out of her skin with fright.

Heart racing, pounding in her ears, dread filled Haley's soul on a primal level.

Swallowing hard, Haley willed her voice to life. "Jessica?" She shouted; tremble evident in her tone as her voice bounced off the walls.

The scariest sound of all answered Haley's cry in return… deafening silence.

Panic rushed through Haley's veins as she shot off the couch. Had someone broken in? Had Jessica fallen and hurt herself? Somehow deep inside Haley knew it was far worse then she could even comprehend.

Taking a small step forward, Haley was thrown back by fear. Her hand shot to her gapping mouth as a soul piercing, glass shattering scream erupted in the apartment, echoing off the plaster.

Trembling where she stood, heart pounding a mile a minute with the deepest sense of fright Haley had ever felt in her life.

Trying to stay strong and in control, Haley took a deep breath. Going against her better judgment and gut instinct she crept for the bedroom. Grabbing a rod iron candle stick holder along the way, Haley had no idea what she was about to get tangled up in.

If only she had known, she would never have gone but in that moment all Haley could only think about was helping Jessica. The way Haley hoped if she screamed like that someone would come to her aid too.

_All the things we should've said, That were never said. All the things we should've done, That we never did. All the things that you needed from me. All the things that you wanted for me. All the things that I should've given, But I didn't._

_Oh, darling, make it go away. Just make it go away _

_Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"_


	7. Chapter 7

Epilogue: Carry On

_Carry on my wayward sonThere'll be peace when you are doneLay your weary head to restDon't you cry no more_

Dean was still haunted by the night he lost her. The night he lost himself, became something new. Something darker, angrier, something that called for revenge at any cost, the night Dean truly became John.

There was a bone chill in the air due to the lateness of the hour.People stood aimlessly about the street, watching the scene. Sirens rang out, men shouted.

Dean stood frozen watching smoke billow out of the second story window as firemen shot gallons of water in through the broken glass. He couldn't look away, knowing all that remained of his dreams were ashes in that building.

Every part of Dean felt numb except his heart that throbbed from a mortal wound. One he knew for certain would kill him, but leave him with the outward appearance of life.

It didn't seem real. Her loss was killing him where he stood, and yet part of Dean still expected Haley to come racing up from behind him any moment, explaining it was all just a misunderstanding.

Warm tears silently slipped down his face shielded by the night, as Dean tried to swallow the fact he'd never see Haley again. He would never look into her shinning chocolate orbs and see his reflection in her pupil. Never feel her heart beat against his skin, once last time.

Tears fell from green eyes for his baby that blossomed from a seed of their love, now never to be born. Dean would never see its face, hear its cry.

Taking a sharp gasp of breath as his insides quaked with the unbearable pain; Dean buried it all down deep in the pit of his gut, unable to bear that weight any other way.

In that moment Dean felt part of himself die. The greatest part… Haley's part, slipped away into a darkness it could never be retrieved from.

Roughly wiping the tears from his face with a strong hand, Dean felt a new beast reveal as his hand dropped.

This creature knew few loyalty and no mercy. This beast craved only blood and vengeance. This monster would never be satisfied, because the only part of it that knew empathy and restraint was lost in those clouds of smoke.

Turning back to the trunk of his car, Dean's eyes found Sam's whiskey tortured brown. When their gaze met Dean saw Sam's eyes held the same ugly darkness that called for sacrifice.

Dean watched as Sam wiped the lingering broken hearted tears from his face and tossed his gun into the trunk with a chest rattling thud.

"We've got work to do." He voice sounded cold and eerily detached.

The brother's eyes met once more, the same fuel burning in both their orbs.

Giving a mutual nod of agreement, they slammed the trunk close, ready to leave a trail of vengeance in their wake.

Kansas, "Carry On My Wayward Son"


End file.
